Are we special ?

"You're special" the compliment rewarded made me to be envied by even little brother; now pissing me off with its so sweet but yet unrealistic nimbus. The more I used to be praised, the more I feel pitiful for myself as facing reality. Though being covered under the shell of a desirable symbol with shiny academic merit and lot of enduring responsibilities in extra-curriculum activities, I listen clearer than ever the voice of my sub-consciousness screaming for the need to be itself. Yes, my deepest aspiration now is to say I want to be normal

"I don't want to be special" because my inability to carry on the increasingly overloaded burden of compliment. Two years ago, I was so fresh out at college with lot of expectation putting on both academic commitments and CCAs. Almost nothing couldn't be achieved in perception. As a result, I created a virtually unlimited boundary of self physical ability. The more duties I was entrusted, the more cramming my life pace was. Gradually, the balance slipped out of hand and I am no longer able to meet the demand. Lot of criticism and frustrated feelings jumped into questioning whether the failure came from my non-exhaustive dedication or said "other reasons". In spite of already knowing the answer, my self-esteem refused to admit that the work on shoulder had became too heavy for single person, even the most ambitious individual, to achieve. Through out a long time, I hopelessly sought for various reasons to protect the shiny illusionary monument honored only my capacity, that is thought to be firmly undestructible. After all, I wonder where would be the destination in this endless voyage of hiding from the truth

"I don't want to be special" if it means of not having even a true friend to talk with when feeling down. Some students said they are jealous of me because I am always surrounded by cool people and do the cool things that they want to be in. However, they didn't know that deeply I always wish for a true friendship. They also didn't know that all these cool guys whom they were looking up to were really "cool" even their insides. And people might think that friendship is something very abundant to me but honestly these "social" friends were purchased by success and the burden I were trying to load on the back. They might not be aware of the ease of ending of these relationships once I am no longer able to carry out the expected responsibility. For them, I am forever a good partner to work with but not friend to share with and neither for me

Nevertheless, there is always miracle somewhere in the world that will nurture and cultivate hope in each person. My opportunity opened in a sudden moment. It happened very naturally when one announcement caught my sight in one night I was returning to hostel. Each and every word on the notice sheet still engraved in mind with the first information was its description on problems that youths nowadays have to deal with daily, which is very similar to my case at that time. Instantly, the notice showed me the sympathy, connectedness and moreover the solution to get out of current situation. Quickly, my instinct signaled that not to skip the chance. Maybe, I would be able to move on with all lessons attained from it. In subsequent days of workshops, I discoved that I am not alone in this journey, there are also a lot of persons grappling the same situation. Bit by bit, we were taught different living skills, the important survival kit that we neglected as hastily running on the race of "special persons". We learnt that everyone is special in his own way and that specialty doesn't mean perfectionism. Lastly, the most valuable gift of life is happiness and it can't be achieved by the subjective enforcement of our own expectation. Sometimes, human is so over-demanding on themselves and keeps on questioning the past failures while forgets the presence or even future ahead

From my very own story, I hope that each and every person, who is immersing in the flow of responsibility and commitment, can realize their true aspiration. You need not to perfectionalize yourself to meet standards in the eyes of the others. Besides, globalization positively ingrates additional factors into the concept of uniqueness, a special person therefore will not be defined in a narrow sense of brilliant student at school or charismatic leader at extracurricular activities. He will be seen special if always consciously updating himself with new knowledge, enriching living experiences, learning from the past, enjoying presence and last but not least actively preparing for future