you've got a lot on your mind

Today is the last day of my 4 years study in NBK school. It's just like a normal day because I and our friend are going on studying until the end of June to prepare for the examination.

There are a lot of things happened recently. I've cried for the only third time in the class. I don't know why... it's just like I can't stand anymore. I'm so sick of people think me like a bitch. They don't even talk to me more than 30 minutes. Why they only listen to other people's opinion about me ? I hate them. There will be a day they have to pay for this underestimation.

I met her a few days ago. I talked like usual. I can't imagine she can think about me like that. What's the fuck. What did I do to her ? Did I say something which offends her ? Was I rude to her ? Why she talked about my parents like that ? She only knows little about me, my family, my parents, their career and jumped to the conclusion that I am a bad girl. Oh.... I'm so angry that if she was standing in front of me, I would slap her to open her eyes, despite the fact that she is his mom. I swear on my honor that I will never let someone to offend me and my mom.

Yeah, I know she loves his son. But she can't think all the girls who like her son are bitches and her son is the hero, is the most perfect boy in the world. Yeah, though I love him but I have to admit that. He is not perfect. And his mother has no right to see the other girls like that. When I talked to her, I thought she is thoughtful and I had approached myself for talking behind her. But.... now I ... I hate her. I hate her. She is my enemy.

This afternoon, he talked to me. He said his mother asked him if he knew what my parents do. He replied I loved her not her parents. I really appreciate that. But I feel rather embarrassing when he said he knew what my parents do. Am I ashamed of my parents who brought me up. I feel regret sometimes before but I can't get rid of doing lie when others ask what my parents do. I still think that is a embarrassed job. I know I should not think like that but I can't fix it. What can I do know ? I afraid of being laughed at.

Who can help me now ?