Random shit!

I don’t wanna like him anymore and I just can’t. I’m obviously not good enough and I’m not going to sit around and wait until my chance, until I’m good enough for him. So I’m just over him. But there’s seriously something about him that makes me like him so much. Since I met him there was something about him that makes me go absolutely crazy over him. This is why I didn’t wanna fall again. I didn’t want another disappointment. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to lie. But maybe it looks like I’ve fallen again.

I tried to move on. I really did. I tried to tell myself that you don’t want me and I can’t have you anymore. I tried so hard but how can you let go of the only person who makes you happy, the only person who makes you feel alive, the only reason you’re still here? You can’t just let go of someone like that.... When I said I didn’t love you anymore that was just a huge lie.

But anyway...

I decided that enough is enough, that since you obviously don’t care about me anymore I’m just going to move on. Easier said than done I suppose, because at the end of the day I’m staring out the window with these tears on my cheeks. Look what you’ve done to me... I only wish you knew that I don’t miss you the way I used to and I’m not sad that it’s over. I just hope we can both smile about it later. I want to say I deserve better and mean it. I want to say I give up and believe it. I want to say I’m moving on and do it.

I’m not going to be that rebound girl, the girl you just come to when you want her, the girl who loves you with everything she has but yet you give nothing. I’m not willing to be that girl anymore. Sorry, sweetie, but I’m gone. I’m not going to stress over you anymore. It isn’t worth it. I tried to work something out but you just ignored it. I’m not trying to say I don’t want you, because I definitely do. All I’m saying is I’m done chasing after you.

I’ve never understood the reason behind someone ‘moving on’ from a relationship. It’s not like you’re really going to ‘move on.’ You’re just trying to tell your heart to stop thinking about that person every second of every minute of every day until it finally becomes a routine and you don’t notice it anymore. That is, until you see the person again with someone that isn’t you, and then you have to remind yourself again.

So I did some more thinking tonight and I’m not as sad about us falling apart because I know now that there’s no such thing as forever. Nothing lasts forever – not love, not a friend, nothing. So I’m just gonna have to accept that you’ve found the person you love. I’m not saying I didn’t believe in our relationship, because I did, but there’s not much left to believe in. I’m sorry things happened the way they did but that’s life.